There is a battle that rages within me. I want people to think that I am important and significant. That what I have done or produced is good, awesome or even amazing. But I act like I don’t care about any of those things.
In fact there are times when I couldn’t care less what anybody else thinks of me or of what I’ve done. But then I begin to wonder if I really don’t care or if I just want people to think that I don’t care because that would make me seem pretty cool.
I’ve been thinking about this for a while as I sit here staring at my laptop screen. I catch my reflection in the monitor and I think I see just another human trying to find a good spot at the table.
Luke 14:7-11 (The Message)
He went on to tell a story to the guests around the table. Noticing how each had tried to elbow into the place of honor, he said, “When someone invites you to dinner, don’t take the place of honor. Somebody more important than you might have been invited by the host. Then he’ll come and call out in front of everybody, ‘You’re in the wrong place. The place of honor belongs to this man.’ Red-faced, you’ll have to make your way to the very last table, the only place left.
“When you’re invited to dinner, go and sit at the last place. Then when the host comes he may very well say, ‘Friend, come up to the front.’ That will give the dinner guests something to talk about! What I’m saying is, If you walk around with your nose in the air, you’re going to end up flat on your face. But if you’re content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself.”
“Jesus, help me be content simply being myself, help my only aspiration to be to serve. If I’m serving I don’t need a spot at the table.”
Jeff, your first two sentences are very profound and very true. I struggle with this myself.
“But then I begin to wonder if I really don’t care or if I just want people to think that I don’t care because that would make me seem pretty cool.”
For those of us who have been doing Jesus stuff for awhile, how do we unlearn this mental programming?
Fear of Man, Papa God, help us to unlearn.
Hey Shawn
Thanks for the comment. I don’t have an answer on how to unlearn the mental programming.
My guess is that the better we can learn and understand God’s love for us the less we will truly care what man thinks of us. I think that so much of it comes back to a fuller understanding of God’s love.
This is something that I struggled with the entire time I was in ministry. I constantly had to question my motives about why I did things, and I often found myself lacking. Here I am again, on the verge of doing something that makes it easy to fall into that trap again, and I am forced to question why I want to be a counselor. All I know is that there is no easy way out. It helps to meditate on the story that you posted and remember that only by God’s grace am I allowed to do what I do.
Thanks Doug,
I think this is something that those in ministry are especially prone to and need to be on guard against.