4 Years Ago Today

Four years ago today my son died in my wife’s womb on his due date.

He had trisomy 18, a chromosome abnormality in which life “fails to thrive.”

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about him.  There are times when the pain of his loss is as fresh as it was four years ago.  My head was full of questions then, to be completely honest I still have more questions than answers.  Even though I don’t have the answers, I do feel like I’ve learned a few things.  You can take them for whatever they’re worth.  Some of them might not make sense to anyone else, that’s okay.

Some Things I’ve learned:

Pain is a very personal thing

As a christian community, we don’t know how to help others grieve

The next time you’re about to utter a christian cliche to someone in pain, do me a favor, shut your mouth and just be there

I waste too much time worrying about what other people think

I waste too much energy pursuing things that are of no consequence

Good friends (including family) are a true treasure, I need to work on being a better friend

Every day is a gift, I should live like it

I don’t hug my kids enough

I’m too serious

God is good, even when it doesn’t seem like it